Exit — The Painting That Helped Me Understand My Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, and CPTSD

When I painted Exit, I had just started therapy. My husband had just bought me the painting materials I needed — canvases, brushes, palette knives, acrylics — and I had begun experimenting with smaller abstract pieces in my little basement corner that I call my sanctuary of color.

I had painted before this.I had created another abstract piece.But this one was different.

This was the first painting that held a part of my childhood trauma.

At the time, I was struggling heavily with anxiety. Not just surface-level worry — but a deep, physical feeling I’ve carried since I was little:

• A sudden urge to leave

• A feeling of not belonging

• An overwhelming need to run away and be alone

• A quiet panic I couldn’t explain

It wasn’t logical.It wasn’t situational.It was wired into me.

Understanding the Root of Anxiety and CPTSD

In therapy, we began talking about my past — about instability, about my mom giving us up, about not having someone consistently there to keep me safe as a child.

My therapist helped me understand something life-changing:

That urge to leave.That feeling of not belonging.That deep anxiety.

It came from a lack of stability.From abandonment.From a nervous system that never learned what safety felt like.

When you grow up without emotional security, your body learns to survive first — and belong second.

For years, I thought I was just “weird.”That something was wrong with me.That I was broken for no reason.

But learning that childhood trauma shapes the adult nervous system?Learning that CPTSD symptoms can look like restlessness, social anxiety, avoidance, hyper-independence?

It was a relief.

Understanding yourself after years in the dark feels like stepping into light.

The Meaning Behind Exit

In Exit, she is crying.

But those are not tears of despair.

They are tears of recognition.Of understanding.Of finally knowing why.

This painting represents:

• The release of suppressed grief

• The understanding of one’s trauma story

• Moving forward after years of emotional survival

• The freedom that comes with self-awareness

• Healing from childhood trauma and complex PTSD

The “exit” is not running away.

It’s exiting the confusion.Exiting the shame.Exiting the belief that you are broken.

Her tears are joy.Joy from finally being able to move forward.

Art as Therapy: Why I Paint Emotional Abstract Work

As an abstract impressionist artist inspired by emotional healing and the Pacific Northwest’s moody light, painting has become part of my processing.

Art allows me to:

• Express anxiety without explaining it

• Process trauma visually

• Transform pain into texture, color, and movement

• Create space for others who feel unseen

So many people carry childhood wounds silently.

So many women especially struggle with:

• Anxiety that feels irrational

• Feeling like they don’t belong

• Wanting to disappear when overwhelmed

• Difficulty talking about themselves in normal conversations

If that’s you — you’re not broken.

Your nervous system adapted to survive.

And healing is possible.

There is a light there.It just takes time.

A Painting for Those Healing From Childhood Trauma

Exit is deeply personal to me.

But it is also for anyone who:

• Has struggled with childhood trauma

• Lives with CPTSD

• Is working through anxiety in therapy

• Is learning their past shaped who they are

• Is ready to move forward

This original abstract painting is still available in my store.

If it speaks to your healing journey, you can view it here:[Shop Exit – Original Abstract Painting by Ginger Lianne]

Thank you for being here.Thank you for witnessing the story behind the canvas.

Healing is not linear.But it is real.

And sometimes, it begins with understanding why.