The Hardest Thing to Share Was My Why

Vulnerability has never come easy to me. Sharing my thoughts on any particular matter has always been a challenge. I’m a quiet woman with a lot to say when the time calls for it. But most of the time, I bite my tongue to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. Letting people know about my past, even in relationships, was something I couldn’t do for a very long time.

So when I first started sharing my art with the online world, it felt like jumping off a cliff. The pressure and fear were overwhelming. The fear of being seen. The fear of being judged. The fear that just one negative comment could shatter the little bit of confidence I had.

But to my surprise, the opposite happened. I was welcomed with open arms. People loved my work. They asked me about it. They wanted to know the stories behind each piece.

That part was hard. Explaining my why. Letting strangers into the dark parts of my past. I was just learning how to open up to my husband at the same time. It felt like the universe was pushing me into this moment. Like it was the right time to stop hiding and finally begin telling the truth. Piece by piece, painting by painting.

Buried within

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And then something beautiful happened. I started finding people who had stories like mine. People who had walked through pain and carried quiet anxiety just like I did. People who felt things deeply. Who understood.

Suddenly it wasn’t so hard to share anymore. I found a little community. A support system that not only welcomed me but related to me. People who feel my art the way I feel it when I’m creating it.

Vulnerability is still scary. Especially for someone who was raised to be silent. For someone who was emotionally and physically hurt and taught to keep it all inside. But that’s where the art comes in.

My art is a reflection of all the traumas I’ve lived through and the healing I’ve found because I chose to share them. Every painting holds a part of my story. Each one speaks of loss and love. Pain and growth. The ache of wanting to be seen while being terrified of what that might mean.

This is what vulnerability looks like for me.

And this is why I paint.